[You Can Not Sedate All The Things You Hate]

So my valentines day present from my lovely lady was a yellow rat snake :)

His full name is The Reverand Tholomew Plague…

However I’ve decided to keep it short and sweet.

Fiction, my yellow rat snake, now lives in my room :)

Pictures up later!

A riddle. 

Whats worse than fucking with someone’s happiness?

The answer.

Fucking with someone who’s never happy to begin with.

Hurt is beyond how I’m feeling right now. (sorry for lying. It doesn’t hurt. It burns.)

The whole drive home, I thought of angry things to say in this post about everyone.

Now that its time to step up to bat, I am drawing a blank. 

Only this white tablet.

My only REAL friend. 

This blank nothing. 

I could type anything. Say anything.

Maybe I’ll have a point. 

Maybe I won’t.

One thing is for sure. 

Nobody is going to hear from me.

I don’t know for how long.

Maybe a few hours…a few days…a few weeks.

I don’t know yet.

I’ve officially entered uncharted waters. 

I don’t know what to do at this point.

I’m afraid that if I stop writing, I’ll die.

And I swear to god, if anybody (jokingly or otherwise) makes a comment about the longetivity of this past relationship, I will punch a fucking hole through your fucking soul.

Am I kidding? Find the fuck out.

So, I respectfully ask the following:

Do not call me.

Do not text me.

Do not facebook me.

Do not stop by my appartment to check up on me.

I’m not okay. 

I might be eventually. 

But for now, I’m not.

Its not your fault. Or yours. And as much as I hate to say it, not yours either.

I just wanted to be fucking happy.

Thats it…

No more silly dreamer talk from me.

Thanks for listening.

I wish you knew how happy it makes me that you’re up early in the morning, and I’m able to begin my day with a good morning text from you :)

Today is unusually foggy. Its nine in the morning and I’ve yet to see the sun.

Its somewhat enjoyable, in its own Silent Hill kind of way.

Going on a campus tour saturday morning of FCC.

Can I say that it feels good to be so excited about this?

Also going to be switching gyms pretty soon.

Gotta stop looking like a whale :)

It might be a good thing that my body has adjusted to fourteen hour work days.

I don’t mind it though. Its fourteen hours I’m not getting into trouble or spending money.

Oh and I decided to enroll in online classes.

I know.

“you said college is a waste of time!”

It is.

That’s why I’m going to tech school for computer networking.

Now I can hax duh phasebook… Which isn’t shutting down march 15 2011.

I swear you idiots would stick your heads in a fire if you heard you could see hell.

They just received $50 million in endorsements this last year. Mark Whats-his-fuck might be going out for a quick bong hit, but he’s definitely not shutting down facebook.

I might as well be Alice at this point. I haven’t wanted to give this much attention or affection to another soul in almost two years.

It feels wonderful to finally be able to trust someone again.

I hope she likes roller coasters, because that’s what dating me is like. A roller coaster…with pieces of the track missing.

Sn: its so wonderful to have my other brother back in my life. We’ve both made some fucked up decisions in life but we’ve been the best of friends for well over ten years and our definition of living is a weekend of rockband 2, beavis & butthead marathons and _______ ______ with O.P.

I just figured out some things about myself:

- I complain about how ugly I am to try to scrape some sympathy from people. Turns out I resent that more than I resent my physical form.

- I’m pretty sure I annoy EVERYBODY I talk to. But I realized why I’m always on facebook trying to talk to somebody. I fear severed lines of communication. I hate talking because I tend to get over anxious and my words jumble together. But I can’t help but make small talk with the most random of strangers simply because I don’t like being alone. 

- I’m a god damn mental case. 

Home from band practice.

Ears are blown.

Body is draggin’.

Mind is wired.

Work in 4.5 hours.

Definitely gonna sleep tomorrow when I get home.

This is the last post for chapter one.

It took me a year to end chapter one. 

So I have to make it count.

This is what I hope to achieve in chapter 2:

  

So. For the next ten minutes, I plan to:

-Put pants on

-Hop in my car

-Drive to taco bell

-order a shit ton of food

-come back home

-eat

-drink a lot of rum & coke

-watch pee wee’s big adventure on netflix instant watch

reeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaadddddddyyyyyyy……….GO!

So its been a year since I’ve talked to myself (because c’mon, who really gives a shit about what I have to say?) 

Has anything changed? 

No. Not really.

Sorry to spoil your fun.

I’m just as bitter, if not more.

My ex-roommates made some bad choices and I had to relocate back to my parent’s house. 

I can’t say I’m more than anxious about finding my own one bedroom apartment. 

But I’m gonna do this one right. 

I’ve got a steady job (that I LOVE and I’m actually respected at.)

I’m gonna save up enough money so that I can live comfortably and not have to worry about just making the payments.

I intend fully on keeping this going for a while…hopefully longer than last time. 

Talking (even if its only to myself) keeps me sane (even if its only temporary.) 

This is just the opening credits. Imagine how amazing the rest of it is.

I wish I could find my vhs copy of this movie. I’d totally get drunk and watch it with whoever wanted to watch it.

yocourtneycourtney:

for joe…i fail.

For Cawtneh.

And Amurehka.

So every night starting October 8th, I’m going to have a new horror movie to watch. This is an open invite to anybody who wants to partake in this epic event. I have ordered the following movies from netflix:

A Nightmare on Elm Street

Friday The 13th

Halloween

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Hellraiser

Candyman

Child’s Play

Dawn of the Dead

Evil Dead

Evil Dead 2

Army of Darkness

28 Days Later

28 Weeks Later

Quarentine

Shaun of the Dead

Poltergeist

The Shining

Stir of Echos

1408

The Amityville Horror

Rosemary’s Baby

The Omen

The Exorcist (Halloween Night)

The Hills Have Eyes

Creepshow

Psycho

Once again, please let me know what movie you wanna see and I’ll let you know what night its gonna be here.

Wild Cherry Pepsi + Cheesy Poofs + Scare Tactics + Vicks Vapor Rub = Feelin’ Fine

So every night starting October 8th, I’m going to have a new horror movie to watch. This is an open invite to anybody who wants to partake in this epic event. I have ordered the following movies from netflix:

A Nightmare on Elm Street

Friday The 13th

Halloween

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Hellraiser

Candyman

Child’s Play

Dawn of the Dead

Evil Dead

Evil Dead 2

Army of Darkness

28 Days Later

28 Weeks Later

Quarentine

Shaun of the Dead

Poltergeist

The Shining

Stir of Echos

1408

The Amityville Horror

Rosemary’s Baby

The Omen

The Exorcist (Halloween Night)

The Hills Have Eyes

Creepshow

Psycho

Once again, please let me know what movie you wanna see and I’ll let you know what night its gonna be here.

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